There’s a scene that plays out in a lot of homes. One partner has wanted to suggest something new for weeks but doesn’t know how. They’re afraid the other will take it the wrong way, think that “it’s not enough any more”, or that the conversation will get awkward. So the idea stays in the drawer, month after month.
If that sounds familiar, this article is for you. Sex toys for couples aren’t a sign that something’s wrong. They’re almost always the opposite: a sign that there’s enough trust to play, experiment and laugh together. Let’s look at the types available, how to choose and, perhaps most importantly, how to bring it up without any drama.
First, a change of perspective
A lot of people imagine a toy “replaces” something. It doesn’t. Think of it like a good wine with dinner or music in the background: it isn’t the dinner, but it makes it better. A toy designed for couples is made to be used with your partner, not instead of them.
It also helps to take the pressure off. It doesn’t all have to go perfectly the first time. Sometimes the first try is more funny than anything else, and honestly, that’s great too.
Types of sex toys for couples
Vibrating cock rings. Probably the most popular starting point. Worn by him, they have a small motor that vibrates during sex so you both feel the difference. They’re small, discreet and easy to use.
Couples’ vibrators. Shaped to stay in place during sex, usually in a “U” or “C” form. Many work with a remote or an app, which adds a playful twist: your partner is in control. You’ll find several models in our vibrators section.
Massagers. More versatile, they’re just as good for a back massage as for more intimate moments. They’re an excellent choice for beginners because they don’t feel intimidating.
Play accessories. Blindfolds, feathers, satin ties. They don’t vibrate or do anything on their own, but they completely change the mood. A blindfold, for example, sharpens all the other senses.
Kits. If you’d rather not choose piece by piece, kits and gift sets bring several products together in one box. They let you try a bit of everything and find out what you both like best.
How to choose couples’ toys without overthinking it
Choosing together is half the fun. Sit on the sofa with the laptop, browse the couples section and play a simple game: each of you picks three things you’re curious about. Then compare. You’ll be surprised by what you have in common, and by the differences.
A few practical things to look for:
- Material: medical-grade silicone is body-safe, soft and easy to clean.
- Noise: if you live in a flat or share the house, a quiet motor makes all the difference.
- Charging: USB-rechargeable models save on batteries and hassle.
- Size: to start with, smaller is usually better.
How to bring it up
This is the part people dread most. A few tips that work well:
Pick the right moment. Not in the middle of an argument or right after a night that didn’t go well. Choose a relaxed time when you’re both in a good mood: a walk, a quiet dinner, a Sunday morning.
Talk about yourself, not your partner. “I’m curious to try…” sounds very different from “I think we need…”. The first is an invitation; the second can sound like criticism.
Use humour. An article like this one, sent with an emoji, can be the lightest way to open the conversation. Or a card game with questions that does the work for you.
Accept a “no” or a “not yet”. If your partner isn’t comfortable, respect that. Sometimes an idea needs time to sink in. Quite often it’s your partner who brings it up again a few weeks later.
The first time
When the moment comes, don’t turn it into an event. Make sure the toy is charged, keep a water-based lube to hand (it’s compatible with every material) and forget about “doing it right”. Explore. Talk. Stop if you need to. Laugh if something gets clumsy.
Afterwards, a quick chat is worth its weight in gold: what you enjoyed, what you’d change. That’s how you build, little by little, something that’s just yours.
Aftercare for your toys
Every toy should be washed after each use with warm water and a mild soap or a dedicated toy cleaner. Let it air-dry completely and store it in its own pouch, away from dust and light. In our intimate hygiene section you’ll find cleaners and pouches made for exactly that. We also have a full guide on the blog on how to clean sex toys.
Three real-life scenarios (more or less)
The couple who’ve been together fifteen years. The kids go to bed early, routine has set in and the evenings all feel the same. For them, a small massager and a massage oil can be the perfect excuse to keep one night a week just for the two of them. It isn’t the product that changes everything; it’s the commitment to stop and be together.
The new couple, full of curiosity. They already talk openly about almost everything and want to try things. A remote-control couples’ vibrator can be huge fun, especially when the other one is in control, without warning.
The long-distance couple. A job in another city, living abroad, opposite shifts. Some models can be controlled by app, even from miles away. For couples who spend weeks apart, it’s a creative way to keep the spark alive.
What not to do
Don’t give a toy as a “fix” for a problem in the relationship without talking first. Don’t push if your partner isn’t comfortable. And don’t compare: every couple has its own pace. What works for your friends may not work for you, and that’s fine.
There’s also no need to spend a lot the first time. A simple, well-chosen product will tell you more about what you like than a top-of-the-range model packed with features you’ll never use.
Frequently asked questions
What is a couples’ vibrator? It’s a vibrator shaped to be worn during sex, often controlled by remote or app.
Can a toy “ruin” the relationship? Not if it’s a choice you make together and you talk about it. In most cases, the opposite happens.
What’s the best one to start with? A vibrating cock ring or a small massager. They’re simple, discreet and easy to use.
What if one of us feels embarrassed? That’s normal. Start with something light, like a game or a massage, and leave the rest for later.
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